May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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