i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
