i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
