How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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