I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
