At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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