just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
