I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
