Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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