Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize