I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
