i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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