you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
