There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
