Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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