...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
