i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
