i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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