after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
