Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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