did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
