I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
