And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
