So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
