I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
