Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
