yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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