when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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