sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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