Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
