Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
