My room smells like vodka and shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
