First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
