VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
