the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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