you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
