I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
