I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
