Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
