i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
