2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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