I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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