I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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