I think I am morally bankrupt
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
