Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
