You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize