***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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