I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
