Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
