i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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