I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
