The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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