I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
