So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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