i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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