I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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