Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
