dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
