escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
