I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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