what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
