At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
