Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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