Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
