so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize