You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
