I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
