Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
